Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Genesis 37:1-36 (Joseph gets the shaft)

You remember Joseph, right? He was Rachel and Jacob's kid. Older brother to Ben-Oni, I mean Benjamin.

Well, when he was seventeen, he was his father's favourite. And just in case nobody knew he was the favourite, Jacob made him a 'richly ornamented robe' to wear around. I imagine the back is embroidered with the word 'favourite.' So Joseph was very stylish. And I didn't know Jacob could sew. But Joseph's brothers hated him. I'm sure they hated that robe even more.

Well, Joseph started to have these weird dreams. In one, the sheaf of grain that Joseph bound was bigger than those of his brothers. And the sheafs his brothers bound bowed down to his sheaf.

But then his mistake: he told his brothers about the dream. It pissed them off. Not only do you have that robe and walk around like you own the place, but now you think you're going to have us bow down to you?!? Jerk.

Then he had another dream. In this dream it was the moon, the sun, and eleven stars that bowed to him. Not sure how to picture that one. But he told his father about it and Jacob was pretty irritated. Great, I know you're my favourite, but do you think we're ALL going to just bow down to you? Jerk.

Then one day Joseph's brothers were out grazing the herds, and Jacob sent Joseph to oversee things. They were supposed to be in Shechem. When Joseph got to Shechem, no brothers or herds were there, and a guy saw him wandering around and asked if he could help him with anything. I'm surprised Joseph didn't get mugged wearing that robe everywhere.

Joseph asked the man about his brothers and the man reported that they were in Dothan now. So Joseph went there.

When his brothers spotted Joseph in the distance-that robe was a dead giveaway-they decided they'd had enough. He didn't come with them to help graze the flocks and now he's coming to check up on them? Jerk. They plotted to kill him.

Here comes our brother who dreams about being high and mighty. Let's kill him and throw him in this cistern. Then all that dreaming will be moot.

But Reuben was rather appalled by this plan. Dude, we don't have to kill him! Don't you think that's a little rash? Let's just throw him in the cistern unharmed, and. . . it'll be a good prank, dontcha think? (Reuben was planning on helping him out of the cistern later and taking him home.)

So they grabbed him and threw him in. Then they ate lunch. You know, like you do.

I imagine them eating and Joseph's reverb voice is calling to them from out of the cistern, come on guys this isn't funny. . . sorry about the dreams. . . come on, my robe's gonna get dirty. . . And them I picture his brothers laughing at him.

While they were eating, a caravan went by, loaded with goods to sell in Egypt. Judah had the idea that they could SELL their brother, and that way get rid of him without killing him. Everyone thought this was a boffo idea.

When the Midianite caravan drew near, Joseph's brothers sold him for twenty shekels of silver, and he was carted away. But they didn't sell his robe. Not sure why. Maybe they all took turns wearing it and saying, oh I'm Joseph! I had this dream that my brothers were gonna sell me into slavery! Ooooh!

Reuben went to fetch Joseph out of the cistern and found he was gone, and freaked out. What did you do?!?! Where is he?!?! You guys are gonna be in for it now!

But they had Joseph's robe, so they slaughtered a goat and bloodied the robe to 'prove' that Joseph had been attacked by a wild animal. Forensics hadn't been invented yet.

When they went home and showed Jacob the robe Jacob went into mourning and wept.

Meanwhile, Joseph was sold in Egypt to Potiphar, who was an official of the Paraoh and the captain of the guard.

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