Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Genesis Chapter 20 v.1-18

Abraham was at it again.

He and Sarah moved into Gerar, ruled by the king Abimelech, and Abraham told everyone Sarah was his sister. Abimelech sent for Sarah and "took her" as a wife.

Then one night Abimelech had a dream about the Hebrew god, which may have been a surprise to him, and god told him that he was "as good as dead" because the wife he had just taken was already married. Then I imagine god said, Nyah! or Gotcha! and pointed.

Abimelech replied, What?!? I didn't even touch her! And HE told me she was his sister! How are you going to punish me for something I didn't know?

God, for once, saw the reason in this. Yeah, yeah, I know, but the man is a prophet. So return his wife to him, and he will pray for you, and then you'll be okay. But you have to give him back his property, understand?

As soon as Abimelech woke up, it seems, he sent for all his advisors and told them about his dream, and they got all scared. Then he sent for Abraham.

Abimelech asked Abraham what the hell he ever did to him that he would play this cruel prank and because of it bring down the wrath of his god upon the king's head.

Abraham replies that he thought he would be killed if he didn't, and BESIDES he says, "she really is my sister, the daughter of my father though not of my mother".

Any of you readers know that? That Abraham and Sarah were half-siblings? Cause I didn't. Ewk.

So Abraham explained that he had a habit of doing this sort of thing in foreign places, and that Sarah had always gone along with it. She was a good sport.

Abimelech, who wanted Abraham to pray for him to his stupid deranged god, gave Abraham all sorts of lovely gifts, like money and cattle and sheep, and male and female slaves, and also gave him back Sarah, and told him to live wherever he wanted to on his land. Just call off your god.

When Abraham prayed to god about Abimelech, god healed all the women in the king's household, who apparently had had their wombs closed up due to Sarah being there under false pretenses. Ah, a happy ending.

3 comments:

Ishie said...

ROFL. Oh man, this is great! Glad to see the return.

peterlaw said...

When I first heard that God had closed all the Wombs it was at school from a Priest with a slight speech impediment. I thought he meant all the Hotels were shut.

Millicent said...

That's pretty funny :)