God blesses Noah and says, be fruitful and multiply, and Noah says, 6 times 6 is 36!
Ah, it's an oldie but a goodie.
God also mentions that this is when animals become afraid of man. Which makes sense. God probably told them all it was man's fault all their kinfolk had to get wiped out. So animals hold grudges. Good to know.
God tells man not to eat animals which are still alive. "Lifeblood" and all that. And then:
"Whoever sheds the blood of man,
by man shall his blood be shed,
for in the image of God
has God made man."
Okay, I was following until that last part. So man is imbued with certain god-like attributes because he was made in god's image? Answers the whole capital punishment question I suppose.
God establishes his covenant with Noah, saying that he won't destroy the earth again with a flood. "I'll use FIRE! Hahaha! --no I'm just kidding, don't look at me like that, Noah." This is the second time we hear about it, but maybe they wanted to make sure it was heard. Or maybe, like Friedman says, Genesis started out as a few books and they were compiled into one.
God tells Noah that the rainbow is now a symbol of this promise, that however mad god gets, he won't send a flood. He does not, however, mention anything about nuclear bombs.
Noah and his three sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth came out of the ark, and Noah, being a man who has his priorities in the right place, planted a vineyard. Skip to later when Noah drank the wine, he got sloshed and passed out, naked, in his tent.
Ham walked in and probably went, "Ahh!" and walked out again. Told his brothers about it.
"Hey, guys, uhhhh. . .Dad's drunk and passed out in his tent."
"Well, he's uhhh. . . Forgotten where he put his pants."
The two brothers Japheth and Shem walked in backwards with a garment to lay over their drunk dad, and were able to accomplish this feat without seeing the dirty nakedness. Which is yet another unbelievable tale.
Noah woke up, "nnnnnnn. . . Hey! My pants are gone!" and proceeded to curse Ham (and, by extension, small-radio operators) and all his kids and grandkids, etc.
This doesn't confuse me at all. Noah was obviously very attatched to those pants and mistakenly believes Ham has stolen them.
He makes all the people of Ham's nation slaves to the nations of his two brothers. Ham's nation was called Canaan. Yes, you heard it correctly. Slaves. Ah the bible, as ever completely unapplicable to today's egalitarian society.
A note here: I remember hearing about this story and thinking there must be more to it, surely Noah wouldn't just curse a whole group of people for having, it seems accidentally, seen him naked. What does he have a gold doo-dad or something? Is nakedness in and of itself a sin?
I suppose so. And even though it was drunk Noah that did the sinning, Ham suffers for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Seems about as fair as real life.
After this heartwarming incident, Noah lived 350 years and died at the ripe old age of 950 years.