Exodus 3 v.1-22 (God says Hi)

So Moses settled down to tend his father-in-law's flock. Of something. I'm going to imagine geese.

He led this flock around all day, with maybe a big stick or a dog or something, and one day he came to the mountain of god. I'm not sure he knew it was the mountain of god, or if this was something that everyone knew about this mountain, or if there was perhaps a sign. But while he was there, guess what? That's right, god appeared. On the mountain of god. What a coincidence.

This is how god did it: he set fire to a bush. Moses was staring at this bush on fire, and because the bush didn't seem to be harmed by the flames, he decided to take a closer look.

This is when god yells 'Surprise!' out of the bush. Well, really it was 'Moses!' to which Moses replied, 'Yeah?'

God tells Moses to take his sandals off when he's walking on his mountain. Then begins the speech.

Moses, I am the god of your father and Abraham and blah blah blah, and I have heard the suffering of your people in Egypt.

Really? Just now?

Yes, and I am here to save them. I mean, you are. You are here to save them. With me. You will lead them up from Egypt into a better land. A really great land. Where a number of other nations are living at the moment. Six other nations of people.

Why me? Is this 'cause I killed that guy?

Because I say so! When you lead them all out, bring them here.

When I tell them the god of our fathers has sent me, what name will I tell them?

I am who I am.

So I tell them, I am sent me? This works?

Yes, get all the elders together and tell them I'm sending you to that rich land where millions of people already live. In order for the king of Egypt to let you all go, I'll perform wonders with my mighty hand. Also I'll make the Egyptians give you money and things, and that way you can plunder them. Right?

Right.

So I don't know what moral I can really glean from this except, suffer for a really long time and god will send someone to you that doesn't really want to go to bring you into a land that is already filled with people. Sounds about right.

Exodus 2 v.1-23 (Moses is born)

Presumably right after the Pharaoh (king) had ordered the destruction of male Hebrew babies by any and all, a Levite woman (you remember Levi? Son of Jacob? Me neither) hid her boy baby for a while after it was born. When it became too much she decided to put it in a waterproofed basket in the Nile instead. Fend for yourself, baby!

The Pharaoh's daughter found the basket and felt sorry for the baby. At this point Moses' sister, who saw the whole thing go down, suggested that the princess get a Hebrew woman to nurse it for her, so she did: the very baby's mother, who was paid as a wet nurse to suckle her own child. Sounds a bit convenient to me, but okay. When he was weaned he became the princess' son, Moses.

He grew up in the palace, I guess. They don't go into detail. After he became a man, he watched his own people at work in their slavery. When he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, and there was no one around to see, he killed the Egyptian and buried his body.

Moses' first act, as related by the author, is murder. And cover-up. Ooooo, Nixon can tell you what the cover-up gets you.

Indeed, later he tried to settle some kind of fist fight dispute between two Hebrews and they taunted him by asking something like, "What are you gonna kill me like that Egyptian, huh?"

The Pharaoh tried to kill Moses, then. Personally? Maybe he hired some goons. I dunno. At any rate, like many a murderer, Moses went into hiding.

He ran to Midian, where there was a well. At the well he witnessed seven women trying to gather water for their father and being turned away by the shepherds there. So Moses stepped up and got them the water and sent them on their way. That was nice of him.

The women got home from this chore earlier than usual, so their father, the priest, asked them about it. "Oh, some Egyptian dude helped us out." What? Invite him for dinner!

Dinner turned into a betrothal. He married one of the daughters, Zipporah, and had a son, Gershom.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the king of Egypt died and the Israelites groaned and moaned about their slavery until their god became concerned.

Exodus 1: v1-22 (New king of Egypt enslaves the Israelites)

And so our trek continues with the book of Exodus.

Joseph died, but his family continued to grow until they filled up the place.

Then a new king came into power (Pharaoh, I thought?) and decided to enslave them all. This is separate from the people Joseph enslaved. Not so nice when it happens to you, is it? The king put them to work building things, like storehouses and cities. The harder he worked them, the more they multiplied.

Though their numbers were great, the Hebrews only had two midwives, Shiphrah and Puah. The king of Egypt told them to let only girl babies live when they were at their work. The midwives didn't pay him any heed. According to the author, this is because they loved god. But I'm sure it was also that they were midwives.

The king was angry when there was a normal distribution of boys, and asked them what happened to the baby killing I told you to do? And the midwives responded that they tried, but whenever they got to the place to deliver the babies, the Hebrew women had already delivered. Because they were hardcore, you understand.

So the king extended the baby killing order to his people. But only the boy babies. And god rewarded the midwives by giving them families of their own. Well, that was nice of him.